Dotty on Women’s Lib




Good evening. Here I am again – in spite of a touch of groin strain. Some of you may be shocked to hear the word, but I believe in getting these things out in the open – I was the first woman in our crescent to say ‘boob’, and I’ve never regretted it.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes, my groin. Nothing to worry about – had a heavy day’s hoovering yesterday, and I’m afraid I got carried away behind the cistern with my crevice-tool.

Now, the other evening I was snuggled up to Daddy in the lounge alcove, when something came up unexpectedly. Normally, with Jack, this kind of thing wouldn’t arise. He turned to me – I was winding the wool for a mauve Guernsey, and Jack was picking his teeth with a library ticket – and he said, ‘Chuckles’, he said, ‘what do you think to Women’s Lib?’ I was at a loss, which is very unusual for me. (When a burglar alarm went off in our crescent, and was mistaken for the four-minute warning, I was the only one who thought to cancel the milk.) Well, I’ve now ruminated on my position. I was unfortunately unable to get hold of a copy of The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer, but I did read Doctor in Clover by Richard Gordon, which was the next book back on the left. So I’m not much further on in my research into Women’s Lib, but I have found out what a sputum cup’s for.

Girls – about this burning of bras we keep hearing about. (Very loudly:) A: (To member of audience:) No, not you, darling, you carry on. A: Some would say you don’t get a decent jelly unless you put it in a mould. And B: There’s nothing nastier than the smell of scorched elastic. What it boils down to is this – men and women were put on this earth for different purposes. A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down – and a woman is designed to say ‘you took your time’ when he comes back dripping wet.

No – that’s just my lighthearted way of saying we girls are genetically programmed to rinse those dusters. Let’s face it, if God had meant men to have children, he would have given them PVC aprons.

No time for more, unfortunately. Next week I shall be discussing politics, international terrorism, the unemployment figures, and how to make attractive earrings out of kidney stones. Till then, good evening.






Julie Walters


First shown on Wood and Walters, on ITV in January 1982.

© Victoria Wood

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