Smile Song

As featured in Lucky Bag: The Victoria Wood Song Book, 2nd edition published 1992 by Methuen, ISBN 0-7493-0819-2

This was written for the Comic Relief Red Nose Day, and I had the deep thrill of dressing up as Kylie Minogue. In fact, my resemblance to Kylie is so uncanny I am often stopped by people in the street asking if I am Betty from Coronation Street.

There are days you feel like giving in,
When you're right down on the ground.
In this world in which we're living in,
So much sorrow all around.

Let's have a day to make it better.

Let us set each other free.
Nothing bad, nothing sad, nothing Dreary,
This is how it's going to be.

No Kylie, no Jason,
No toothpaste round the basin.

By golly,
We're jolly.
Jolly's what we are.
No slimming, no jogging,
No slurping public snogging.
We're after
Some laughter.
Ha ha ha ha ha!

No coughing, no spitting,
No pink acrylic knitting,

No niggles.
Just giggles,
As we sing our song.
No rainhoods, no brollies,
No tartan shopping trollies.
We mortals
Need chortles
As we go along.

Chorus:
Take a little step along the highway.

Hold a little hand across the road.
Sing a little song. It could be 'My Way',
If it helps your load.

No plumbing, no stopcocks,
No cornflakes down your popsocks,

No drilling,
No filling,
This is our advice.
No ranch-style new houses,
No see-through tie-neck blouses.
Let Monday
Be fun day.
Tuesday's just as nice.

No vampires with cloaks on,
No ladies' pants with jokes on,

No moaning,
No groaning.
That's not how it's done.
No picking it, no poking it,
No putting it in your pipe and smoking it.
Be merry.
Be very
Keen to have some fun.

Chorus:
Take a little step along the highway.

Hold a little hand across the road.
Sing a little song. It could be 'My Way',
If it helps your load.

No pads on your shoulders,
No crocheted loo roll holders,

No crying,
No sighing.
Let fun be your friend.
No spoilsport, no martyr,
No 'I only had the starter',
No hurry,
No worry.
We're all dead in the end.

No Renees, no Myrtles,
No stupid mutant turtles,

No doom and
No gloom and
Not a frown in sight.
No Hampstead, no Harlow,
No sex scenes with Ken Barlow.
Be larky.
Be sparky.
Let's be merry and bright.

Chorus:
Take a little step along the highway.

Hold a little hand across the road.
Sing a little song. It could be 'My Way',
If it helps your load.

No summits, no NATO,
No instant mashed potato.

Just winkle
A twinkle
From that gloomy face.
No DJs, no jingles,
No dreadful charity singles.
Teeth gleaming,
Get beaming
And smile all over the place.

© Victoria Wood, 1991