As featured in Lucky Bag: The Victoria Wood Song Book, 1st edition published 1984 by Methuen, ISBN 0-413-56140-2 (hardback), 0-413-56150-X (paperback).
This is another one I wrote for Wood and Walters. I First sang it at the Bolton Festival. I don't remember if it went well, though I can remember having a cheese and tomato pizza. I never have pizzas with lots of bits on. I'm very unadventurous. When I play 'Monopoly' I always buy the stations and the utilities. It was only about last year when I found out how the pronounce 'Marylebone'. I still don't like saying it to taxi drivers. I'd rather be dropped off on the Euston Road and walk.
Time and tide, let's not forget,
Will kill you off or get you wet.
Thus it is. This is life.
But some girls don't know when they're beaten.
You swim for health. You splash about.
The chlorine makes your hair fall out.
Serves you right. This is it.
You rub your necks before you sleep
With cream that's made from bits of sheep.
Is this wise? Are you mad?
Be like the old girls down the local,
You try sex with a younger man.
He's never heard of Steeleye Span.
What a blow. What a drag.
As time moves on, it leaves its clues.
The tramps are wearing platform shoes.
Time's winged bus is just one step
Oh please give up this painful fight
Against grey hair and cellulite.
Please enjoy what you are.
© Victoria Wood, 1981
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