Young Love: Two

Gail

Carl?

Carl

What?

Gail

Do you know the facts of life?

Carl

Some of them.

Gail

Which ones do you know?

Carl

Gravy. I know how that’s made. I know where my mam’s apron is.

Gail

Do you know where babies come from?

Carl

‘Course I do. They come from women.

Gail

Yeah, but how come?

Carl

Don’t ask me. You want to send off for a pamphlet.

Gail

What’s that?

Carl

They tell you what’s what. We’ve got one at home about lagging.

Gail

Well, can I not just read yours then, and not send off?

Carl

No, you want a, er, wotsit pamphlet.

Gail

What?

Carl

You know – ‘at it’. What is it you want to know anyway?

Gail

Well it were something me mam said about my honeymoon.

Carl

What?

Gail

She said I’ve not to wear my pixie-hood in bed. She said men don’t like it.

Carl

Won’t bother me.

Gail

Will it not Carl? And you know I always sleep in a pac-a-mac.

Carl

So what?

Gail

Do you really not mind Carl?

Carl

Why should I? I’m not going to be there, am I?

Gail

In the honeymoon?

Carl

Well, it’s money, in’t it, Gail? We can’t both go. You go this year, I’ll go next.

Gail

All right Carl.

Pause

Gail

Carl?

Carl

What?

Gail

What’s your favourite sandwich?

Carl

Treacle.

Gail

Just treacle?

Carl

And bread.

Gail

Mine’s not.

Carl

What?

Gail

Treacle.

Pause

Carl?

Carl

What?

Gail

Don’t you want to know what my favourite sandwich is?

Carl

Nope. That’s your feminine mystiquery, that.

Gail

What?

Carl

Not knowing.

Gail

What else do you not want to know?

Carl

I don’t want to know where to catch a bus for Haslingdon.

Gail

OK, Carl.

Cast

Gail

Victoria Wood

Carl

Andrew Livingstone

First shown on Victoria—Wood As Seen on TV, on BBC2 in January 1985.